So I was playing volleyball the other night (lost two out of three), and we were talking after the game that there is not a volleyball movie that any us could come up with. And when you think about what other sports have had movies, how has volleyball not made the list...
Disclaimer - This doesn't mean that I've actually watched any of these, especially the more obscure/embarrassing ones.
GENERALLY ACCEPTED AS MAJOR SPORTS...
* Football - Any Given Sunday, Longest Yard (twice), The Waterboy, Necessary Roughness, North Dallas Forty, Brian's Song, Wildcats, All The Right Moves.
* Baseball - The Natural, Major League, Bad News Bears, Rookie of the Year, Sandlot.
* Basketball - Hoosiers, The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh, Fastbreak, Semi-Pro, Blue Chips, The Air Up There, He Got Game, Above The Rim.
* Hockey - Slap Shot, Youngblood, Miracle.
* Golf - Tin Cup, Happy Gilmore, The Greatest Game Ever Played, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Caddyshack.
* NASCAR - Days of Thunder, Talladega Nights.
GENERALLY ACCEPTED AS NOT MAJOR SPORTS...
* Tennis - Wimbledon.
* Boxing - Rocky I, Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV, Rocky V, Rocky Balboa, Raging Bull, Diggstown, Gladiator, Million Dollar Baby, Cinderella Man.
* Running - Chariots of Fire, Running Brave
* Cheerleading - Bring It On (and sequels).
* Bobsledding - Cool Runnings.
* Dodgeball - Dodgeball.
* Beer Drinking - Beerfest.
* Cycling - Breaking Away.
* Gymnastics - Stick It, Gymkata.
* Wrestling - Vision Quest.
* Ping Pong - Balls of Fury.
* Billiards - The Color of Money.
* Arm Wrestling - Over the Top.
* Spelling - Akeelah and the Bee.
* Chess - Searching for Bobby Fisher.
* Soccer - Victory, Kicking and Screaming.
* Karate - Karate Kid.
* General Organized Fighting - Anything involving Jean Claude Van Damme, Fight Club, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat.
* Figure Skating - Blades of Glory, Cutting Edge.
* Poker - Rounders.
* Horse Racing - Seabiscuit, Black Beauty.
* Cornhole - Cornhole (coming soon)
28 sports with movies to that genre.
Sports that are not on the list: Volleyball, MMA (give it some time), LaCrosse (perhaps a little too new into the mainstream), Extreme Sports (see LaCrosse), Swimming.
Some sports are harder than others due to the skill of the sport (LaCrosse, Extreme Sports). Swimming is hard and not as interesting to film. Volleyball's easy. Get Elisha Cuthbert and a bunch of unknown hotties with nice asses and long legs and make the movie. Cost: $10-15 million; Revenue: $40-million. Done!!!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
The Case for Basketball as the Preeminent Sport- Part I
On the eve of the half way point in this year’s basketball season, let us all take a moment to reflect on the supreme American Sport—Basketball. The superiority of basketball is not held in its legendary teams, super star players, or even post season structure….the game of basketball is the finest sport because of its beauty of motion that celebrates the modern day Renascences athlete.
The Structure of the Game-
The game of basketball is executed as an organic system, with each individual member acting and reacting off the other participants. Each player adjusts to the transition between offensive and defensive motion and their role in the environment. To be great in basketball, you must be able to be performing your primary responsibility while always adjusting to the situation in front of you. The role of each player is contingent upon the corresponding actions and placement of their teammates. In a given situation, the primary scorer might help the team more with assists if they face a defense that double or triple teams.
Other sports delay action for wholesale changes in personnel, mirroring a paparazzi shift change on Brittany Spears suicide watch. The personnel changes are subject to the possession of the ball. Basketball operates more like a ballet with out a musical score, a fluid transition between offensive and defensive motion.
The Versatile Thinking Athlete-
Basketball is a game that showcases the utility of their 5 tool athlete (shoot, rebound, pass, dribble, and play defense), unlike sports that predicate themselves on player specialization as their central role in the organization- ex. Football (throw, catch, block, tackle, kick), Baseball (pitch, field, bat) or Track (run, jump, throw). If a player is out of shape (Shawn Kemp-The Fat Years) their actions are restricted and their overall game is ineffective. In other football or baseball, being overweight and out of shape doesn’t stop your contribution to the game, it just changes your role. Take Sam Madison (DT who needs oxygen from running off the field) or John Kruk (a 300+ pound First Baseman who you could time running to bags with a stop watch). Fat and out of shape players don’t make the cut in elite sports.
The Venue-
The beauty of going to a basketball game is that you don’t have to guess about the weather conditions during the game. There is a huge premium on the consistency of a sporting event and the ability to take the variable of extreme temperatures or inclement weather out of the pre-game planning. Sitting in the blistering heat of a mid-day baseball game in July or a wintry November NFL game is reason to enjoy HD TV in the comfort of your own house. Sports are a leisure activity that shouldn’t bestow hardship on its fan base. It’s completely unacceptable to come home from a sporting event with a cold from being in the rain—unless you were playing in the event.
TO BE CONTINUED.........
The Structure of the Game-
The game of basketball is executed as an organic system, with each individual member acting and reacting off the other participants. Each player adjusts to the transition between offensive and defensive motion and their role in the environment. To be great in basketball, you must be able to be performing your primary responsibility while always adjusting to the situation in front of you. The role of each player is contingent upon the corresponding actions and placement of their teammates. In a given situation, the primary scorer might help the team more with assists if they face a defense that double or triple teams.
Other sports delay action for wholesale changes in personnel, mirroring a paparazzi shift change on Brittany Spears suicide watch. The personnel changes are subject to the possession of the ball. Basketball operates more like a ballet with out a musical score, a fluid transition between offensive and defensive motion.
The Versatile Thinking Athlete-
Basketball is a game that showcases the utility of their 5 tool athlete (shoot, rebound, pass, dribble, and play defense), unlike sports that predicate themselves on player specialization as their central role in the organization- ex. Football (throw, catch, block, tackle, kick), Baseball (pitch, field, bat) or Track (run, jump, throw). If a player is out of shape (Shawn Kemp-The Fat Years) their actions are restricted and their overall game is ineffective. In other football or baseball, being overweight and out of shape doesn’t stop your contribution to the game, it just changes your role. Take Sam Madison (DT who needs oxygen from running off the field) or John Kruk (a 300+ pound First Baseman who you could time running to bags with a stop watch). Fat and out of shape players don’t make the cut in elite sports.
The Venue-
The beauty of going to a basketball game is that you don’t have to guess about the weather conditions during the game. There is a huge premium on the consistency of a sporting event and the ability to take the variable of extreme temperatures or inclement weather out of the pre-game planning. Sitting in the blistering heat of a mid-day baseball game in July or a wintry November NFL game is reason to enjoy HD TV in the comfort of your own house. Sports are a leisure activity that shouldn’t bestow hardship on its fan base. It’s completely unacceptable to come home from a sporting event with a cold from being in the rain—unless you were playing in the event.
TO BE CONTINUED.........
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Bad Valentine's Day Gift Ideas - In Honor of THE CHIEF!
In honor of a college friend who during his FIRST senior year (of about seven senior years) for Valentine's day gave his beautiful girlfriend, (seriously, she was very attractive) two dozen long-stem red roses AND a workout schedule built around her academic schedule to work on her "problem areas", I'm not making this up), AND DID THIS ON FRONT OF TWO OF OUR FRIENDS!!!! She dumped him two days later. Probably because that is the amount of time it took to get over the shock.
This goes out to The Chief, whereever he may be. Here is a list of 22 terrible ideas for Valentine's Day (in disgusting pink and red colors as a shout out to easily the strangest freaking holiday of the year)...
This goes out to The Chief, whereever he may be. Here is a list of 22 terrible ideas for Valentine's Day (in disgusting pink and red colors as a shout out to easily the strangest freaking holiday of the year)...
- Removal of a tattoo of your old girlfriend's name.
- A box of condoms.
- Any household cleaning supply.
- A date involving a trip to see Rambo.
- A Fathead of a Swimsuit model to hang in the kitchen for motivation.
- Chocolate to someone on a diet.
- Any certificate involving "some lovin'"
- A stipper pole installed in the bedroom (unless your house was featured on MTV Cribs)
- A romantic dinner at BW3 that just happens to be during the Duke-UNC basketball game.
- Any car maintance.
- Books about weather or finance or travel involving a place you can not possibly afford.
- Any jewelery that says "Made in China".
- Pijamas with feet.
- A shout out on your BLOG!!!!!!!!
- A picture of you naked.
- Cash!
- Anything with a plug.
- Nothing.
- Installing a mirror on the ceiling of the bedroom.
- Cooking lessons.
- Shaving and/or gift-wrapping your junk (or package or whatever penis euphemism you can think of).
- A piss-happy pet. Or any cute animal that would take focus away from you or cause late-nights or house breaking or the inability to go out as much.
The origin of St. Valentine. What the fuck does this have to do with love?
(source: Wikipedia)
St Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and had a discussion with him, attempting to get him to convert to Roman paganism in order to save his life. Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed. Before his execution, he is reported to have performed a miracle by healing the blind daughter of his jailer.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Settle It In the Ring
The Presidential Debates have hit the point in the campaign where the speeches have become background noise to the general population. The process of elected our President is crucial to the future course of you country and this individual will establish the trajectory for our common good. I have a solution to this problem of stale debates and endless primary stops across the nation.
Allow the celebrities that endorse the candidates take an active role in the process and hem to represent them in the WWF sponsored Steel Cage match. This event will be structured as a tag team battle royal cage match, using standard cage match rules. The first contestant to have their feet hit the floor and stand with their candidate will the Debate Winner and receive 50 delegates.
Three teams will be created based on viability and aligned by ideology:
The Crazy Christians Team (Huckabee)- Rick Flair and Chuck Norris- Escorted by Pat “Mouth of the Lord” Robertson
Kill ‘em All (McCain)- Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone—Escorted by Joe “The Brain” Lieberman
Whimpy Liberals Team (Obama/Clinton)- Hulk Hogan and 50 Cent—Escorted by Oprah (in a replica Miss Elisabeth gown).
Recap of the event:
• Vegas set the pre-fight odds to win match: CC- 4:1, WLG&A 5:2, WL 3:1
• Best Prefight Interview Line: Team Crazy Christians- “Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.—WOOOOOOOO!” while talking to Keith Oberman and Rowdy Roddy in the Piper's Pit.
• Best Ring Team Attire Outfit: Arnold dressed from Predator and Sly from Rambo
• Best Entrance Song: Hogan and 50 with their Freestyle Rap “Brother”
• Match Announcers- Tim Russert and Jesse Ventura- each wearing a bowa
• Special Guest Referee- Shaq (no political interest—just keeping the peace “Big Bossman Style”
• Key Ring Match Ups- Roid Rage in Smallville- Sly vs. 50 Cent in the battle of 5’5” and under crowd. This fight was escalated with Sly try to say “caucus” and 50 thought he said “Craker Ass”—no one calls 50 Craker Ass.
• Best outside the Ring Action- Anne Coultre ran to the ring during the match to assist the Crazy Christians, but Oprah snatched her ass to the ground and beat her over the head with a copy of the "Secret".
Winners- Team Crazy Christians- Chuck Norris knocks down an entire section of the cage with a roundhouse kick and joins Mike Huckabee with Mean Gene Okerlund for the post fight interview "Blah, Blah, There is no science, Blah, Blah".
What can we all learn from the world of Professional Wrestling? You can't take Huckabee too lightly, no matter what size the crackpot that he has supporting him.
Allow the celebrities that endorse the candidates take an active role in the process and hem to represent them in the WWF sponsored Steel Cage match. This event will be structured as a tag team battle royal cage match, using standard cage match rules. The first contestant to have their feet hit the floor and stand with their candidate will the Debate Winner and receive 50 delegates.
Three teams will be created based on viability and aligned by ideology:
The Crazy Christians Team (Huckabee)- Rick Flair and Chuck Norris- Escorted by Pat “Mouth of the Lord” Robertson
Kill ‘em All (McCain)- Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone—Escorted by Joe “The Brain” Lieberman
Whimpy Liberals Team (Obama/Clinton)- Hulk Hogan and 50 Cent—Escorted by Oprah (in a replica Miss Elisabeth gown).
Recap of the event:
• Vegas set the pre-fight odds to win match: CC- 4:1, WLG&A 5:2, WL 3:1
• Best Prefight Interview Line: Team Crazy Christians- “Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.—WOOOOOOOO!” while talking to Keith Oberman and Rowdy Roddy in the Piper's Pit.
• Best Ring Team Attire Outfit: Arnold dressed from Predator and Sly from Rambo
• Best Entrance Song: Hogan and 50 with their Freestyle Rap “Brother”
• Match Announcers- Tim Russert and Jesse Ventura- each wearing a bowa
• Special Guest Referee- Shaq (no political interest—just keeping the peace “Big Bossman Style”
• Key Ring Match Ups- Roid Rage in Smallville- Sly vs. 50 Cent in the battle of 5’5” and under crowd. This fight was escalated with Sly try to say “caucus” and 50 thought he said “Craker Ass”—no one calls 50 Craker Ass.
• Best outside the Ring Action- Anne Coultre ran to the ring during the match to assist the Crazy Christians, but Oprah snatched her ass to the ground and beat her over the head with a copy of the "Secret".
Winners- Team Crazy Christians- Chuck Norris knocks down an entire section of the cage with a roundhouse kick and joins Mike Huckabee with Mean Gene Okerlund for the post fight interview "Blah, Blah, There is no science, Blah, Blah".
What can we all learn from the world of Professional Wrestling? You can't take Huckabee too lightly, no matter what size the crackpot that he has supporting him.
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