Bad Valentine's Day Gift Ideas - In Honor of THE CHIEF!

In honor of a college friend who during his FIRST senior year (of about seven senior years) for Valentine's day gave his beautiful girlfriend, (seriously, she was very attractive) two dozen long-stem red roses AND a workout schedule built around her academic schedule to work on her "problem areas", I'm not making this up), AND DID THIS ON FRONT OF TWO OF OUR FRIENDS!!!! She dumped him two days later. Probably because that is the amount of time it took to get over the shock.

This goes out to The Chief, whereever he may be. Here is a list of 22 terrible ideas for Valentine's Day (in disgusting pink and red colors as a shout out to easily the strangest freaking holiday of the year)...

1. Removal of a tattoo of your old girlfriend's name.
2. A box of condoms.
3. Any household cleaning supply.
4. A date involving a trip to see Rambo.
5. A Fathead of a Swimsuit model to hang in the kitchen for motivation.
6. Chocolate to someone on a diet.
7. Any certificate involving "some lovin'"
8. A stipper pole installed in the bedroom (unless your house was featured on MTV Cribs)
9. A romantic dinner at BW3 that just happens to be during the Duke-UNC basketball game.
10. Any car maintance.
11. Books about weather or finance or travel involving a place you can not possibly afford.
12. Any jewelery that says "Made in China".
13. Pijamas with feet.
14. A shout out on your BLOG!!!!!!!!
15. A picture of you naked.
16. Cash!
17. Anything with a plug.
18. Nothing.
19. Installing a mirror on the ceiling of the bedroom.
20. Cooking lessons.
21. Shaving and/or gift-wrapping your junk (or package or whatever penis euphemism you can think of).
22. A piss-happy pet. Or any cute animal that would take focus away from you or cause late-nights or house breaking or the inability to go out as much.

The origin of St. Valentine. What the fuck does this have to do with love?

(source: Wikipedia)

St Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and had a discussion with him, attempting to get him to convert to Roman paganism in order to save his life. Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed. Before his execution, he is reported to have performed a miracle by healing the blind daughter of his jailer.